Extreme Makeovers: Tamdhu Edition

Why do you mothball a distillery? Because of the recession? No. Because you have too much stock? No. Because you can’t predict the demand? No.

You mothball a distillery because the bloody whisky doesn’t sell.

Please notice it is not The Macallan or Highland Park Edrington Group are axing. Those are strong revenue generators, why would you get rid of a cash cow, right? I won’t go into the whole I-am-so-sad-and-angry-with-Edrington malarky. The industry is full of moaners as it s. Instead I will try and be constructive!

Here is an offer for Edrington: Instead of mothballing the distillery, sell 51% of the facility and 5% of the stock to me for a pound. I’ll turn it into a money printer within 3 years. If I fail you can have it back. If I succeed you will benefit from the 49% share and secure whisky for blending in the long run. Either way you risk nothing.

Easier said than done? Perhaps. But here is my plan on how I’m going to do it. Call it an Extreme Makeover if you want:

extreme makeover: tamdhuGet rid of the retarded packaging. Currently the no-age-statement is boxed in a 1960′s take on Victorian style shoe-box and the 25yo proudly supports out troops in Iraq by sporting… a Desert Storm style camouflage. Outrageous. What Tamdhu needs in order to start selling is modern, simple, sleek design that will appeal to enthusiasts, gift buyers and Asian markets. I have already started some work (see picture).

Design a logo. Off the top of my head I couldn’t even recall what Tamdhu logo looked like, had to use Google Images. One thing is for sure, Tamdhu deserves something much better. Good logos sell.

Broaden the range. The juice isn’t bad but it’s all so been-there-done-that, it’s hard to fall in love with. I suggest introducing more expressions, vintages, single casks, sherry finishes and what have you. The range should be at least 7-8 strong at any point in time.

Target the right people. Don’t even bother selling it in the UK. I would go straight for Brazil, China, Russia and India.

Promote it. Promo events, videos on YouTube, tweets, Facebook groups, samples for those who matter and for those who don’t and, above all, girls in bikinis.

    What do you think? I believe my plan would work… but somehow I can’t see Edrington rushing to hand me the keys. But hey ho, if you don’t ask you don’t get.

    Lucas