A Dirty Dram: The Laphretto

While Lucas was taking acid, playing Dungeons and Dragons and writing his epic account of our Arran tasting, I was being introduced to a Monster…

The Doctor Frankenstien of this particular Monster is Andreas Mott (appropriate name I feel).

It was a dark and foreboding evening. Rain had lashed the city of Edinburgh. A city that by day is bright, fine and hopeful and by night is filled with terror, evil deeds and murder most foul.
I met Doctor Mott in a tavern in the vicinity to my place of work. I entered the low-ceiling venue, my vision impaired by smoke and strange lighting. I scanned the throng of people, searching in vain for the unbelievably tall Mott, trying not to catch eyes with the other ne’er-do-wells that seemed to inhabit this abode.

I spotted him. He was not alone. He had several of his medical students with him, all in festivity. Reveling in the abomination that was their new creation. After greetings and pleasantries, Dr Mott took me to one side to explain the reason behind the celebrations. In his eyes, I could see joy and fear.

A positively unusual man. His gaze was piercing and his cologne torched my nostril hair, but seemed to cast a spell on the local women folk. Another one of his experiments, I suspect.
Anyway, I digress. My mind is going in all directions, but you have to make allowances for me, as my brain has been addled by my experiences.

He said he and his cohorts had invented a new concoction. A drink that, by all accounts, would change the world. Mott had acquired (stolen) some research from Italian Dark Scientists. There they call it ‘the Godfather’. Here, where the beast recieved its new spirit, we call it ‘the Laphretto’.

A mutation, a freak of nature , an unnatural binding of two beverages. Laphroaig 10 mixed with Amaretto.
Mott poured a round of Laphretto and we all prepared to toast.

I took a glass of it, closed my eyes and sipped. Suddenly I was hit by a whirl of different emotions. Love, hate, guilt….. My taste buds were drowning in waves of sweetness. What nectar! I will try to formulate my feelings into some sort of tasting notes…

Nose: Battenburg cakes, almonds, marzipan and cherries. Sooo sugary and sweet. This monster is sugar coated.

Palate: Again, unbelievably sweet. Sugary sweet. A whole tray of pastries. Battenburg cakes come to the fore again. A sumptuous liquid and the smoke is coming.

Finish: The Laphroaig powers through. A nice bit of smoke and dry oakiness gives one a thirst and a need to drink more.


How to make the Laphretto?

Like all things of greatness, Laphretto is simple in its form. Fill a tumbler or an old fashioned glass with ice, pour in a measure of Amaretto and then a measure of Laphroaig 10. Stir gently and garnish with a cherry. Done.


Warning: This stuff is lethal and if you overindulge, you may turn into a monster. Drink responsibly.


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