The Oscars Edinburgh Whisky Blog Style


We fine fellows at Edinburgh Whisky Blog are not only the geekiest of whisky geeks, we are also major consumers of culture. It’s true. After many a review we’ll gather to reflect on our thoughts by heading off to the latest show at one of the many theatres that Edinburgh has to offer. It’s a little known fact that Graeme was Scotland’s leading male ballerina until an unfortunate accident where his partner was so enraged by his talent she stabbed him through the foot with her stiletto. He still limps to this day. I myself like to take in a good film now and then and felt I couldn’t let Sunday’s Oscars pass without giving them an old EWB going over. We like to get involved with anything we can.

This weekend Hollywood’s great and good gather at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles for the 84th Academy awards. The Oscars can be the pinnacle of a filmmakers success. It can launch their career onto new heights that they could have never imagined. It can be the greatest night of their life.

If, however, you are a film fan watching at home the exact opposite can prove true. Have you ever bothered to stay up and watch the Oscars? I have. It’s boring. Like really boring. Like so boring that I will actually start doing housework at two o’clock in the morning to try and keep myself awake so I can finally get to see what will win Best Picture. Am I being harsh? I suppose I am a little bit. The whole thing runs for about four hours though and I have the attention span of a fish with attention deficit disorder. I’m not saying they should get rid of any categories or anything but surely they could have a red button feature where Jason Statham and Bill Cosby are commentating on the events? That I’d stay up for. Since nobody wanted to stretch their imagination for those of us that are easily distracted by shiny things, I have taken the responsibility myself and created a game. A most wonderful game! What is this game hear you ask? Well it’s:

Edinburgh Whisky Blog’s totally responsible and utterly cool interactive beverage game!

How does this fantastical game work? Below are a bunch of situations that will most likely transpire on Oscar night. With each situation there will be a beverage (and some food) to go along with it! “That’s just a drinking game!” I hear you cry. It’s not. This one is to simply help you get through the entire Oscar ceremony. It’s not about pickling your little brain in alcohol. Here at Edinburgh Whisky Blog we ensure that all alcohol is treated with the respect it deserves. So now that you’ve got the basic premise here’s what to look out for:

  1. Somebody screams “who are you wearing?” at a famous person - If you’re hearing this through your magical television box then you’re in  it for the long haul on Oscar night. The red carpet can take almost as long as the ceremony itself. This phrase completely freaks me out. “Who are you wearing?” It sounds like they are wearing  a dress made out of their designer. Just once I wish someone would say “Primark” or “This old thing? My dad lent it to me for tonight.”

Action - A sip of beer or wine whenever you hear it said directly to a celebrity.

  1. Billy Crystal is onstage - If I died and could be reincarnated into a living person it might be Billy Crystal. He’s cool. I will not debate this. He’ll rib the guests but nobody will mind because it’s Billy Frickin Crystal!

Action -  This is your time for your snacks of choice. Crisps, chips, sweets, popcorn or whatever. Just stuff your face so that you can’t talk over Billy and miss something funny.

  1. They show Jack Nicholson sitting somewhere by the front wearing shades -  Even if he isn’t nominated they stick Jack close to the front. Why? Well because he is Jack Nicholson and he can get away with wearing sunglasses indoors. A skill that is unique only to him and myself. True story. Chris Hoban tried it once. It didn’t work.

Action - A sip of good whisky to honour the man, the myth, the legend that is Jack.

  1. One of the awards that isn’t so high profile is happening - All the awards are important. I get that. I just have no idea who any of these people are. Best sound mixing? These are the awards that will trip you up on your quest to survive to the end.

Action - Either a nice strong coffee or a can of energy drink. You’ll need it to get through the rest of the show. Trust me.

  1. Someone makes a fool of themselves whilst accepting an award - Whether it be Gwyneth Paltrow having a breakdown in front of millions or James Cameron putting the tit in Titanic by declaring himself “the king of the world”, it’s going to happen. When it does, prepare for a cringe behind the pillow moment.

Action - Something cask strength and smoky should be enough to distract you from the car crash that is happening right in front of you.

  1. Best Picture is FINALLY announced - The moment we have been waiting for all evening. I don’t expect any surprises here so just be ready to congratulate The Artist on its success.

Action - Your nicest dram or maybe a glass of fizz if you have any kicking around. You’ve earned it if you’ve made it this far.

  1. The aftermath - If you’re a bit wired from the events and can’t quite settle there will be plenty of coverage and analysis for you to follow into the early monring.

Action - Have a nice cup of malty Horlicks to help you drift off to sleep.

A few suggestions to brighten up your Oscar night. Any other suggestions to ones that I’ve missed? I am aware that this has very little to do in the way of whisky but it’s just a bit of fun. Please bear that in mind.


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